The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
