I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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