just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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