I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think a kid would responsible me up
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
