That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
