just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
