PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
