I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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