Tell her she can't have a vagina
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
