so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize