The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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