did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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