i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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