Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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