My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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