Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
