if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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