we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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