if you like me you must not know who I am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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