Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
