Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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