I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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