You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize