My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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