And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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