Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize