I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
