Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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