Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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