When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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