i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
