Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
