For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
