Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
