Are we in a gay sports bar?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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