It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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