Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
