In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
