It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
not ubering you a puppy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize