Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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