I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why do cheetos always look like penises
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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