If i come over, it means nothing
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
