He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
