his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
