the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
