we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
