I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
