Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
