If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize