This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
