I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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