Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
