i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
