The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
