just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
