she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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