im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You ruined the universe
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
