i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
