He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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