if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
