Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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