Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
