I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
