thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
