Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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