i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
