If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
