you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm getting married
To pizza
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
