Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize