Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
